Today, all is well with my Soul! I have grown more in the last 2 months than I have in the 36 years of my existence.
I am free, I am free to live and breathe again. The fear of where he is, or who he is with no longer haunts me, strange how that use to be my greatest fear, not fear about the state that he would come home in, or his reaction to my accusations about him cheating. I guess in allot of ways focusing on the cheating and his drunken nights was allot easier that dealing with the violent abuse and threats.
The last five years flashed before me. Living with an abusive man I called my husband, financial turmoil that never really made sense to me, a home falling apart, reflecting my brokenness, compromising my values for the sake of love, being robbed of all my belongings materialistically and emotionally. The emotional eating, meant the weight kept piling on, which made me feel further stripped of my beauty and confidence, yet on the surface the world still saw happy positive Kay. What a lie I lived, what a lie I loved.
The ginormous lie I called life ended when God showed me the power he held over my life. My faith and prayer remained consistent and in abundance. The day had finally come where I was delivered into peace and calm. At the time obviously I didn’t understand it. To think I would have taken this man back, (as sick as that sounds, he was my addiction, and like any true addict I cannot explain it… it was certainly not sexual, there was never any lust or seduction in the relationship, it was certainly not financial, his contribution was minimal in comparison to mine, it was certainly not emotional, I cried more tears than I care to remember, and certainly not for his parenting skills, I will give him credit he was the fun dad, but certainly lacked any substance as a father. If you ask me today, I still cannot explain the addiction to this man, his charm, charisma, all false pretenses, it was always too good to be true on the surface … only I knew what happened behind closed doors, and our creator, our heavenly Father saw my tears and heard my cries for help. I am a true testament of the power that God yields in our lives when we believe and have faith in him.
It’s easy to continue to wallow in pain, to let it overcome us, consume us to the point of destruction. Living life negatively or positively is a choice. My choice was to rise again above all the pain and sorrow, rise up as a women that walks in faith, rise up as a mum who protect her children with the truth, as a daughter that honors her parents, as a sister, friend and aunt to women and men that feel like they cannot go on, as a coach and mentor, defining my path in business, and some day as a partner to a real man that can match my faith and strength. (Tall order that I leave in God’s hands and Gods time). I am forever highly favored and blessed in abundance.