Reflections at 39 – The Journey Continues!

I wonder if he remembers, how we use to be when we were young, the dreams we had, the fights, the laughs, the sacrifices we made.  It all felt worth it, even when we could only afford to pay for one burger at spur and split it, because we knew that one day we could afford lots more.

Time told a different story. Time was going to give me allot more chapters and adventures than I had bargained for.

I was never satisfied, I always wanted more. I remember the day I left, it still feels like yesterday, I remember the look on his face, 11 years later and I live with the lesson.

I wish I knew then what I know now. That could have been my life, the home, the kids, the family. Days go by, and I am jealous of his wife, the life she has, the life I could have had. There are certainly no guarantees in life, and in reality, if I did stay, things could have been completely different, and not the perfect picture I see from outside the gates, every time I drop my son at his dad.

A month and a half or so until I turn 40 and the I can’t help but reflect, reflect on days past and days to come.

I am still single, with so much of love to smother that someone special. A few characters, catalyst, lovers, friends walked through my days, like shadows over me in the past 11 years.  A beautiful baby girl was conceived during this time, love was gained and lost, many life lessons, tears that could fill an ocean and laughter that could create mountains of sunflowers.

I wear a smile as I write this, thinking back, no regrets, just life lived. Remembering the night, I ate chocolate filled pancakes under the Eifel tower, I fell in love, I fell in love with me and the new chapter I had created for myself.  Many chapters after that followed. I wrote each one, I lived each one and at times I watched each one, like a stranger looking in. I have learned so much and continue to learn.  To live an impactful life!

Falling over words to inspire you, my message is simple, look back, only to look forward. You don’t live there anymore, you are here now, in this moment, and what matters is making this chapter and this moment count! After all life is for living my darlings!


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