Sleep seems to escape me at 3:05am was it the message that woke me or was it thoughts of life and the many chapters in my life. Surely I am not alone in my thinking, “has the world gone mad” The more I try to keep it simple the more complicated life seems to get. So I really do wonder if I am alone. Maybe others just mask it better.
I was told recently that “we don’t live in heaven” I beg to differ, we live in the world that we create for ourselves, good or bad. The challenges of life will definitely be there, and my greatest learning in this life, a learning that many before have voiced, you will never be good enough for everyone….and that’s ok, as long as you are good enough for yourself, worrying about how the human race interpret your life events, only add more years to you than needed.
I am no saint and I long for the thing that I often deny myself to feel, love. The love that God intended between man and women. So I am in great question as to why I have not found the one. That is contradictory considering I don’t easily allow myself love, and rightfully so.
A failed marriage, a disastrous abusive long term relationship. A year on, and I wonder, how can I allow myself to embrace love, find the one that appreciates me without any inhibitions. A free love, not hidden from the world. Am I not worthy! What past life sins have I committed, that prevents me from finding this love.
I was also recently told, that telling my story is not good, because it will be used against me, how odd, how can the truth be against me, it is just that, my truth. It’s no wonder so many people are afraid to share their stories, they are afraid of what others think, never mind that their story/their truth might save someone! We are a weird bunch hey, the human race. A community filled with people ready to judge, people that live a lie. Social media vs reality, in which case, its social media 100 and reality 0. Only I wonder if its my truth and reality, my attempt at being open and candid that prevents me from finding love, and keeping it. Has love failed me, or have I failed love?
Can’t we just start being honest, can’t we live with love and integrity, and can we not love selflessly, instead of always considering “what’s in it for me”
Please someone tell me, because I missed that memo, the one that said we needed to be someone we not! Look in the mirror, speak your truth! I only ever want to be me! And I want you …. my distant stranger to love me for who I am. I know you are out there, and our souls are meant to be…. in this life and every after.